Article by Bob Lancer
(see many more articles at www.boblancer.com) End Parent "Battle Fatigue" Teach Your Children How To Use Their Power
Without Losing Yours PART 1 Sometimes children seem to intentionally, and often very cleverly, contrive to take our power. As if they are addicted to our energy or view us as a mere instrument or extension of their will to get what they want just because they want it, they draw upon our energy with incessant, nagging demands and unreasonable non-cooperation (particularly when we already feel utterly taxed, as if they can sense our weakness and vulnerability). They seem, in these instances, to unconsciously believe they are still in the womb subsisting on mother's substance when it is time to be more self-reliant and independent. What we parents need to understand when this occurs is that the child is moving through a normal, necessary and natural developmental stage that usually peeks around the age of 6 years old, when the child is transitioning out of babyhood and learning to express her power through reasoning (including negotiating). If handled properly by the parent, the child learns how to reason more realistically. The child also learns how to relate with his own power and its limitations in a healthy and constructive way. In the process, the child learns how to respectfully consider the needs, interests and limitations of others, including you. We reverse the opportunity that this challenge presents to us when we take it too personally, from a lack of understanding of inner child development. We then permit our frustration and resentment to drive us into blind reactions that hinder rather than help the child develop healthy self-empowerment and the sense of appropriate, respectful boundaries in relationships. The child's capacity to reason becomes either stifled or confused (making the child more susceptible to dangerous denial, which lies at the root of addiction later in life). The child may fail to develop the inner resourcefulness for healthy and independent self-reliance. Albeit unintentionally, we set the child up to suffer the painful consequences of weak self-control and a false feeling of need to dominate others. This means more self-centered demands made by the child upon you and more assaults on your energy. When children incessantly demand your attention, deliberately behave in ways that they expect will bother you, make unreasonable or impossible demands, argue irrationally, appear to intentionally treat another child in a cruel manner when they know your watchin, fall into emotional breakdowns "at the drop of a hat", behave outrageously in public, leave their mess behind and blame it on someone else, or relate with you as a lowly lackey rather than as one worthy of their utmost respect, the challenge can feel utterly overwhelming, particularly after a long day of giving your professional job or your relationship with your child everything you have. These sorts of behavior express the child's call for your support in helping him deal with the limits of his power and with the needs and limitations of others. The parent's job here is to gradually teach the child that we are not mere appendages of the child to be used, but rather individual human beings to be related with considerately and respectfully. Click here to proceed to the second and final part of this article. 
If you found this article helpful, Bob Lancer's full length book, Parenting With Love, Without Anger or Stress will surely be a book you will love. It presents an indepth look into what causes children to behave as they do, and what you can do in a balanced, loving, conscious way to support the fulfillment of your child's healthy, happy, glorious potential. For more information, click here. | 
