Article by Bob Lancer
(see many more articles at www.boblancer.com)

End Parent "Battle Fatigue"

Teach Your Children How To Use Their Power Without Losing Yours

PART 2

The first step is to recognize when it is happening, when your power is being drawn upon.  This recognition occurs at a feeling level, so practice staying aware of how you feel when you are with your child.  When you feel your energy being drained, you can then avoid taking the situation too personally and handle it instead developmentally.  Realize that your child is emerging from the unconscious belief in his infantile dependence on you into the discovery that he really does not need to count on you that much.

Then, concentrate on maintaining your compassionate, calm composure.  In that you avoid expending more energy and give your "batteries" the time they need to recharge.   Discipline yourself to avoid or to stop struggling to convince your child of anything.  Instead, focus on maintaining your composure as you decline to expend the energy she is seeking from you.  The power-struggle ends (for you, anyway) when you withdraw your power from the struggle.

When your child demands more than you clearly ought to give, consider your options, but do not choose an option that drains you to the point that you feel weakened or strained.  You are being given an opportunity to learn how to work within your own healthy energy boundaries, and as you do so, you teach your child to do the same.

Take advantage of this opportunity to support your child's development of healthy self-empowerment by taking total responsibility for what you do with your own energy. Consciously, calmly and compassionately contend with your child's use of her power and with your child's hunger for your power.  As you do this, you will emerge with a clear understanding of how to avoid being drained by your child's quest for power and enjoy greater peace everyday.  You will teach your child to use his power properly and beneficially as you establish appropriate boundaries when your child demands that you do too much for him.

If you are tired of painful, pointless power-struggles, understand why your child seems to treat you like an object at times.  It represents an important stage of his emergence into self-reliant independence. As you use your own power in a more conscious, balanced, measured manner you empower your child in a healthy way that teaches him to respect the feelings, needs, and limitations of others.

When you feel challenged by your child's behavior, instead of lashing out at the child, accept the opportunity for your own growth in the wise handling of your own energy.  If you react with much impatience, annoyance, or frustration, your stressful reaction drains you, not your child.  As you honor your own energy limitations and work within them, you preserve your energy and permit your power to grow to its fullest extent.  

The task really comes down to your conscious, sensitive recognition of when you are taking on too much responsibility to control.  When your child's unpleasant or disturbing behavior seems out of your control, your best option may be to withdraw attention from it (your power flows in the direction of your attention) or to deal with it minimally as you focus on maintaining or regaining your composure. When you permit your power to be drained from you to a level that is too low you make parenting more difficult than it needs to be. Your child cannot steal your power without your (unconscious) cooperation.

If you found this article helpful, Bob Lancer's full length book, Parenting With Love, Without Anger or Stress will surely be a book you will love.  It presents an in depth look into what causes children to behave as they do, and what you can do in a balanced, loving, conscious way to support the fulfillment of your child's healthy, happy, glorious potential.