Article by Bob Lancer
(see many more articles at www.boblancer.com) Causes Of Child Behavior
Problems And Solutions It is natural for children to act out and behave in an unruly fashion, to some degree and at times, even under the best of circumstances and with the finest form of child behavior management. You cannot discipline the nature out of a living human being. Expecting children to conduct themselves in an appropriate manner all of the time is like a sailor expecting the wind to always blow in line with his hopes. However, just as a sailor can do many things to improve the odds of smooth sailing, there is much that we can do to lead children toward more responsible behavior. Child behavior reflects the conditions in which we place the child. The so-called "troublesome child" has been troubled by her circumstances. Perhaps her parents fight too much and too fiercely. Perhaps a member of the household demonstrates unhealthy or self-defeating patterns of rebellion. Perhaps one of the parents is not bonding well with the child or the child is allowed too much freedom out of parental laziness. Children possess an innate sensitivity to order, a natural drive to demonstrate mastery, a deep capacity for feelings of compassion, a powerful will to learn, to accomplish, and to contribute. Providing children with conditions that nurture and support these innate characteristics empowers them to responsibly direct their own self-conduct. The following 12 common conditions set children up to fail by blocking the expression and development of their intrinsic drives and capacities to responsibly direct themselves. These conditions desensitize and de-motivate the child's natural inclination toward orderly, caring, thoughtful treatment of himself, others and his environment. If we place a child in one or more of these conditions on a regular basis, the disturbing behaviors the child exhibits within those conditions grow into habits that become increasingly difficult to change.
12 Common Causes Of Disturbing Child Behavior 1. The child is tired 2. The child is physically ill 3. The child is angry or unhappy 4. The child is very happy and excited 5. The child's parents (married or divorced) are squabbling 6. A major change disrupts stable routine Surrounded or "pushed" by intense, nervous, rushing adults 8. Exposed to too much anger, disapproval and unhappiness from others 9. Too much time separated from home or parent 10. Someone (another child or an adult) modeling inappropriate behavior 11. Parents too disconnected from the child on an emotional level 12. The child is not provided with appropriate boundaries and lacks sufficiently close supervision Expecting a child to behave appropriately while under the influence of one of these conditions is like expecting a seed tossed on hot concrete to blossom into a lovely flower. Reacting harshly to a child's disturbing behavior while one or more of these conditions acts upon him sets the child up to behave more problematically, because the child feels overwhelmed by the impossible expectations projected upon him. He learns to see himself as a failure and a disappointment and then behaves in line with that poor self-concept. When your child behaves inappropriately, see if one or more of these conditions are present. If one is, let that lead you to respond with compassionate and understanding instead of harsh criticalness, because the child truly is doing the best she can. Consider the changes that you can make to improve the influences impacting your child. You cannot always control a situation totally, but you can almost always make small adjustments that produce at least some improvement. 
If you found this article helpful, Bob Lancer's full length book, Parenting With Love, Without Anger or Stress will surely be a book you will love. It presents an in depth look into what causes children to behave as they do, and what you can do in a balanced, loving, conscious way to support the fulfillment of your child's healthy, happy, glorious potential. | 
