Understand Child Behavior

A Missing Key To Really Successful Child Behavior Guidance

(see many more articles at www.boblancer.com)

When an adult regards child behavior as disruptive, disrespectful, or defiant, the adult commonly complains, "That child needs more child discipline." 

How rare is it that one will say, "That child needs more understanding."

Sometimes more firmness may indeed be in order in response to a child's behavior problem, but even then the root-cause of the discipline problem may stem from a lack of deep and accurate understanding of the child.

Some "Hidden Causes" of Behavior Problems

• Sometimes the child who displays a behavior problem needs less sternness, not more, to express her higher potential.

• He may need to be forgiven for his human mistake or weakness.  She may need more harmony in her home. 

• She may need more close time with her parent.

• Sometimes he needs to be taken home from the adult party that forces him to stay up too late. 

• Sometimes she needs protection from a school bully.  Sometimes he needs a deeper level of loving emotional support to adjust to the arrival of a new sibling. 

• Sometimes she needs more loving involvement to help her to remain constructively engaged in positive activity when boredom sets in on a long car trip.

• Often the child needs a parent to set a better example, to demonstrate better emotional self-control, to face the damage done by an addiction, to adopt a healthier life-style.

The contributing factors to a child's behavior problem
may operate on more than one level.

Your way of interacting with your child may make sense on one level, while destructively clashing on deeper levels.

When a child feels a sense of authentic, loving connection with a parent, teacher or care-provider, the child receives an essential form of nurturing necessary to solve or avoid child discipline problems and for her finest behavior and attitude to blossom.

Regard your child's behavior as an indication of
how well you understand your child. 

When a behavior problem crops up, instead of reacting automatically out of annoyance or anxiety, calmly consider what need this may be expressing.

Observe your child with open eyes, an open mind, an open heart. Your deeper insight will dawn. This lets the child lead you in the way the child needs to be led. 

Relating with a child in a more conscious, "connective" way represents a crucial, yet typically overlooked key for solving and avoiding behavior problems.

Clashing with a child's deeper sense of who she is and what she really needs causes that child to feel lost and confused about who she truly is and what is really good for her. The pain of this sends her behaviors, moods and attitudes down to lower levels and the confusing influence of it blocks her from developing and expressing good, healthy choice-making for herself. 

Understanding a child well really comes down to feeling. The adult needs to be in touch with his/her own deeper feelings to accurately sense the child's feelings and needs for responsible self-conduct. This practice leads the child to recognize and respect his own feelings and the feelings of others, which guides him into more caring, respectful forms of child behavior.

Your child really is an open book, but you have to open your eyes, your heart and your mind to read that book accurately. Automatic, habitual, emotional reactions do the opposite of this and close that book shut.

If you feel frustrated by child behavior, instead of blaming your child for your dissatisfaction with the results you are getting or not getting, try observing your child with more aware, open, deep attention to sense his feelings and more accurately read your child's need for the very best child behavior. 

If you found this article helpful, Bob's full length book, Parenting With Love, Without Anger or Stress will surely be a treasure for you!

It presents an indepth look into what child discipline problems and what you can do in a balanced, loving, conscious way to support the fulfillment of your child's healthy, happy, glorious child behavior - for more information, click on cover >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>