Article by Bob Lancer
(see many more articles at www.boblancer.com) Sibling Solutions
How and Why to Love Each Child Best Part 6 A tragic condition in households of siblings occurs when a parent finds it easier to relate with and understand one of the children more than the other. As a result, the household fills with tension and strife due to that parent-child conflict, and that misunderstood child falls into depression and problematic behavior as he feels inadequate, left out, and like a stranger in his own home. The root-cause of this condition is a parent faced with a child who expresses a repressed aspect of that parent's nature. For instance, if you repressed your deep emotional sensitivity based on the belief that you had to do so to for your survival or success, the child who displays much sensitivity will trigger your insecurity, causing you to fearfully resist bonding with that child. You can solve this problem by courageously facing and embracing the totality of your self and seek to integrate all sides of your nature into your approach to life. By harmonizing with and accepting yourself in this way, you will naturally harmonize and accept the child with trust and confidence. This is how the child leads the adult to the liberation of the adult's true self. Your "difficult child" will demonstrate improved behavior due to the improved bonding between you. In response to your modeling he will feel more trust and openness to those other aspects of your personality that you have developed; then, like you, he too will grow into a more whole and balanced individual. Gradually this child who had previously seemed so impossible to understand, get along with and get through to will no longer feel alienated, rejected and alone, resulting in his improved attitude and performance in all areas of life; and you too will feel happier now that you trust and accept your authenticity more completely. In addition to bonding, children need appropriate boundaries to be established in an appropriate way. Establish the boundaries between your siblings necessary to protect each child's healthy development. Give your children space to work out their conflicts on their own, but monitor their interactions closely in order to step in the instant you are needed. As soon as you observe any form of physical or psychological abuse occurring, where one child is made to feel powerless, dominated and humiliated, intervene by attending to the hurt child first in a loving way that makes her feel truly safe and totally valued. Then focus on the aggressor in a conscious, compassionate manner. If your reaction causes the aggressor to feel powerless, dominated, humiliated, unloved, victimized and misunderstood, you model the unkind treatment you are trying to stop. Your children develop their bond with one another and their social skills through interaction with one another, so carefully avoid stepping in too soon. Allow them to move right up to the line and only step in when they actually cross the line. For instance, when an older sibling wants to pat the head of his baby sibling, allow this as you remain physically near and alertly vigilant. If the tapping becomes even a hair too rough, lovingly intervene and physically protect your baby. To order Bob Lancer's CD recording of Sibling Solutions in its entirety, e-mail your request for ordering instructions. 
If you found this article helpful, Bob Lancer's full length book, Parenting With Love, Without Anger or Stress will surely be a book you will love. It presents an indepth look into what causes children to behave as they do, and what you can do in a balanced, loving, conscious way to support the fulfillment of your child's healthy, happy, glorious potential. For more information, click image >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> |
