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We humans tend to become like those we spend time with. For instance, if you spend much time around a person with an impatient, condescending, critical attitude toward you, that disrespectful way of thinking and feeling will very likely rub off on you to some degree, with the result that you view yourself with an overly critical, self-deprecating point of view.  This exemplifies one of the ways that parents unwittingly cause their children to develop low self-esteem.

The younger the person the more openness he demonstrates to the influence of his surroundings. During the first six years of a child's life in particular, the influences reaching the child on a consistent basis establish self-conduct patterns that can last a lifetime.  This does not mean that it is too late to lead that child to higher levels of self-conduct beyond the age of six.  But will never have as much power to shape the child's behavior and development, nor as much responsibility to oversee and to control the influences to which you expose the child, as you do from birth to age six.

During all stages of your child's development, and especially during those first six years, the moods, attitudes and behaviors displayed by other children around your child lead your child by example to feel and act similarly.  Repeatedly exposing a child to a poor attitude or behavior pattern of another child, be that child a sibling, friend or a classmate, is bound to reproduce similarly problematic modes of self-expression coming from that child.  You might accurately regard how children behave around your child as a mirror-reflection of how your child will behave.

The first solution when it comes to parenting siblings, then, has to do with vigilantly overseeing and carefully controlling the modeling influence of one child upon the other.  This requires keeping in mind the fact that the behaviors, moods, and attitudes displayed by one child in the presence of another child will reproduce themselves in the behaviors, moods and attitudes that other child will eventually display. Then, be prepared to intervene when you observe either child demonstrating poor self-conduct in the presence of the other.  

While children under six are the most deeply impacted by what they are exposed to, a six-and-a-half year old over-exposed to the normal but prolonged crying of his three month old brother may soon display more crying than was usual for him previously.

Bear in mind that how you intervene is just as important as that you intervene.  This is because your mode of self-conduct in the presence of a child influences the direction of that child's behavior and development. When you lose your patience, for example, the negativity in your reaction actually leads the child exposed to it into overly aggressive self-conduct. Avoid disciplining or reacting to your children using a behavior, expressing an attitude, or displaying an emotional reaction that you do not want the children to repeat.

Along this line, how you relate with your children teaches your children how to relate with one another.  If you relate with your children in a bossy, arrogant, pushy or unkind way, you lead your children to relate similarly with one another.  To bring out your children's kind, considerate, respectful treatment of one another, consistently model that way of treating them.

If you found this article helpful, Bob Lancer's full length book, Parenting With Love, Without Anger or Stress will surely be a book you will love.  It presents an indepth look into what causes children to behave as they do, and what you can do in a balanced, loving, conscious way to support the fulfillment of your child's healthy, happy, glorious potential.  For more information, click image >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>